She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
