We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
