I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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