If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
