Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
