Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize