I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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