Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
