I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
