I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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