Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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