just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
