Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
