im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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