soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
