so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
