just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
