the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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