You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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