No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
