I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
