shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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