Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
