if only i could text you this smell
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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