This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
