Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
