You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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