If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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