i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
