She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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