i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
