..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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