Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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