Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
