She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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