I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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