First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
