Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
