And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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