Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
