please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
