She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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