I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
