we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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