youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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