I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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