Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
