So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.