I wish I could teleport
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
