I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
