naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had to cum in my sink.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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