sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
