I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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