I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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