A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
