I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
