dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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