she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
