I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
