remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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