Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
