I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
