btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
