your room smells of hookers.
And success
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
