I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
