just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
