I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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