What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
