I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
